A subtle, yet clear sensation

“I have no doubt that, within ten years, the fundamental way of tea will die out.
When it dies out, people in society will believe, on the contrary, that it is flourishing.
The miserable end -when it becomes completely a matter of worldly amusement – is now in sight. “

Sen no Rikyu, teamaster, 1589

*

A couple of years ago,
I had entered yet another round of suffering quite heavy symptoms
This time it expressed itself in a hypersensitivity to sound and accumulations of people,
I had no idea what had happened, but the symptoms were severe.
So severe that most of the time I was no longer able to be with more than one or two people, let alone maneuver in subways, go to supermarkets or keep on teaching, which was how I supported myself.
The situation felt more than alarming.

One afternoon, while meeting a friend, I suddenly heard myself state that I had ‘absolutely no interest in this society’.

It was not that I did not like people. It was their ways that I had no idea how to relate to anymore. The whole thing and the whole outcome. And so sometimes the sense of strangeness and isolation felt unbearable.

Already I had spent extended times of inquiry and listening.
Times of trying.
Hard. And in many ways.
It did not seem to work.

My friend seemed to be very touched by the depth and intensity of my expression at the time.
‘That is a very strong statement.’ she said.
I finally decided to leave the urban context for another time.

*

They plow the land again
Tear it open,
big chunks of earth have been flipped over
I can’t help it, I am crying
In the beginning these feelings felt strange, compulsive and overwhelming

With the time I knew it was a most natural response


*

A subtle, yet very clear and simple sensation had appeared time and time again
There was an urge to look for a good place to set up a camp, raise a family, maybe
And I mean set up a camp, not renting an apartment
For a while it was there

Forget all you know
and listen, it said

There is a sensation of wonder while making out a convenient place, install a shelter, explore the surroundings
The activities then take shape naturally
Various different tasks and necessities, just as occurring creative impulses, eliminate the question of having a career of some sort

There is a flow
a day, a place, things to be done
manifold
The concept of work does not exist like that

There is so much so say
There is nothing to say

*

To my understanding, everybody should have free access to land for food and shelter, if she or he wishes so.
To separate people from the land and the possibility to feed and protect themselves in a self-governed manner, by turning the earth into private property, means denying a human being the natural right to life.
It means driving a human being into labor for money.
It is an exploitation of human beings and of the land.

I write this, well aware that everything in these times seems to go in the opposite direction, and making money to make ends meet is the usual practice and considered normal.
For the sake of land and people, however, I believe this to be a harmful practice, as long as this is the only choice.

*

I have met many
Mostly it’s the sensitive ones
Quite some of them already died
either through sickness or through themselves

It’s not you who is wrong!

Sometimes I said it
Sometimes it just did not feel adequate

There is nothing wrong with you!

It’s in the ways
Even in the language
They are utterly misleading

I guess some of them knew
but just couldn’t bear it any more